Unexplainable stress!

Family.. aiks.. don't want to talk abt it d..
studies.. have not been studying for a month! Lazy shit wey!
R'ships.. I really have no idea.. should i go for it? or should i let you make the move? am i pushing too hard? or its just i am thinking too much.. things have changed after that prank messages.. i wish that i wasn't there to reply those messages so nothing would happen!!! !TR@G!)!&!!!!

"I am sorry, mum.."

Am i a bad son? Bad tempered? Too rebellious? Wrong tone all the time?

Or just that my mum couldn't understand my words.. My expression.. Misunderstanding whatever I was trying to say..

I've been trying so hard to be a good child.. I hope you really know that.. Feel that.. That moment.. When tears were flooding your eyes.. Hitting me with disappointment.. Arms and face.. I didn't even evade any of them.. Because I am really sorry for raising my voice.. My tone.. But i really don't mean it..

Like my previous posts.. I've been saying.. You don't understand me.. You think that just because you are mother.. And we as children, have no right to speak out.. Everytime I voice out.. You will definitely think that I'm against you.. You said that my facial expression was like a sword piercing through your heart.. But.. I really don't remember me trying to make any impacts with my facial expression.. Sorry if I really expressed myself wrongly..

This is the first time.. I was there.. Letting you hit me how hard you want.. Because i know.. I am sorry..

I'm deeply disappointed with myself.. Hate myself..

Wasted my holidays..

Why am i still sitting in front of my comp!!!
I wanna study!!! I tell myself every night before i sleep.. "Tomorrow have to study d la.. no more time liao.."
And yet. I'm not doing it.. I rather sit there.. stone for 2 hours.. then holding a book and start reading.! =(
Save me from my LAZINESS!!! argh!